Who ever knew that growing up would be such hard work? I never imagined at any given point that I would be having to think of other people before me…..a selfish statement you might think but am coming to the realisation that it has always been about me and not anyone else. My happiness and peace is my responsibility and no one else. If you give an inch the world will want to take a mile.
That said, I was not long ago out there dipping toes in basins and swimming pools and toying with ideas of swimming in the big oceans. The water, turns out, was a bit too hot for my liking. Better the devil you know than the angel with big talk. There was no transition from baldy to gappy. Gappy ended up having bigger problems than I did. We are all not happy people we just choose to be happy. I have chosen to get off my big butt and change my situations.
I did not like how much power and sacrifice I had given the other woman’s husband. I was stifled…..choked…I had lost all free will and my fate was in the hands of baldy. So I got wandering eyes….I started looking for hot prospective pools to get refuge from. Turns out these pools were too hot to handle. However that realisation also gave me courage to get my shit straight. I decided to start afresh. What clean slate to start from than to let go of my past? Both immediate past and long past. So I told gappy that it would not work but the thought was overly exhilirating and that left me with badly to boot……..that horse did not go down easy. I declared, we are done!
It was a Sunday afternoon my plans were to go to the market then meet a friend and go home. But as usual my plans are never really my own…………he called and summoned me to the club where he was going for a massage after a hiking trip the previous day. So I go and spend half the afternoon just seated on a chair on my own as I waited for his massage to be over. It was good time for me to reflect on what the hell I was doing with my life at that moment there on my own. So when he appeared, I had made up my mind that this is not what I wanted for my life and so I told him its over between us and I no longer wanted this life.
A dying man will clutch at straws……….why had I not done this before? Since he does not want to let go, he has now been forced to comply with my demands………or has he just bought more time? Only time will tell. “Demands”……are they really? I think not. They are not demands they are just normal protocol on how to treat a lady you claim you love. If you like it……..CROWN IT!
Am starting the next phase of my life and its quite on the fence right now. If I cannot get what I want from baldy am not giving this life a second glance. I will stick to my guns and my timelines. Its decided am moving up and on. Dare to take a ride with me?