I bitched…..I lamented…….I cursed my situation. I hated being single and I made that clear right here on this blog. I was lonely I did not know how my life would turn out. Then I found someone, a forbidden fruit, another woman’s man. I fell fast, my world was suddenly turned upside down, my head spun round and round because I found myself in an impossible situation. It was thrilling, the highs were real highs and the lows were not that bad, they were manageable, afterall I was in love.
Then the tides begun to shift…….according to this other woman’s husband, I belonged to him to do as he pleased. “Were you not the one who was lonely? I now “forbid” you from being lonely by virtue that I am here! And not only that, but I am gonna make sure that as I go home to my wife every evening you will be left back wishing I was right there next to you and NO ONE ELSE!”
Who is to say that I have never really been happy. I had been quite happy before the monster within started feeling constrained and started rearing his ugly head. This monster may have first shown his ugly head when I was already expecting my sunshine daughter. There were quite some unusual habits that I noticed but chose to ignore. Besides this other woman’s husband did say he loved me. Constantly and repeatedly…..
But wait a minute…….”baby am sacrificing a lot to be with you.” Did I ask this of you? Did I seek you out? What is it you are sacrificing that I haven’t already sacrificed for you. Freedom, free will, pertinent relationships with my own family, etc. etc. What makes you think your sacrifices are greater than mine? Then came the utterly shocking misperformance in bed. Ala! What has happened? You suddenly cannot hold it for 2 thrusts. What is this? am I stuck with bad coitus for the rest o my life?
I dont think so! Something has to be done and fast……….if I cannot get attention, I cannot get security, I cannot get emotional support, why not save a little bit of ‘life’ for myself? I found my eye wandering and wishing and longing. I dipped my toe in. He’s not anyones husband, he’s kind, he’s free and willing to mingle and he likes me. However, I promised myself never to judge how someone feels about me from what he tells me because this is what got me in this mess in the first place. All I know is that my awareness of better things out there is at an all time high alert. There maybe the impending hammer over my head from someone’s husband but 100% of the shots we don’t take never hit the mark, so, watch this space……transition from baldy to gappy. Very slow, calculated and deliberate because once bitten, twice shy!