So bad,…..but feels real good

03 Sep 2011 1 Comment

by MYSTIC in Dating, REFLECTION, relationships, Relationships can be tough, What is wrong with me?

Well as always most things that are bad for you feel so good. Just like fried chicken, will eventually kill you but tastes so irresistible. I am dating a married man and I love him with all my being and all that I am. I know many times when dating and in bliss, usually at the very initial stages, people feel like that love can never be broken. I may not know if it’s that puppy love stage but I do not think I have ever experienced anything like what I am going through now. Many times I get happy for a while then it fades. It’s now been 3 months and already there are so many hopes and aspirations of being together. I do not deny that I do foresee challenges and serious obstacles in our relationship especially because of the “married man” issue.As much as there are aspirations and hopes there are also fears and uncertainty that cannot be ignored. I have really been trying to deeply think about what I am doing to his wife and whether the ame could be done to me once life stops becoming a smooth ride and reality checks in. The same could also happen to me because lets face it, if he can do it once then he can do it again but this time to me. Sort of a same script different cast kind of story. Currently I have tried to ignore that but I cannot disregard it all together and I should not be blinded by other things so as to be caught unaware.

There have been talks of being introduced to the wife as a potential co wife. I would shudder at the idea of coming second to someone sometime back but I think as time goes by but with a lot of worry I am getting warmed up to the idea. As scary as it sounds I think I am so smitten to the point of considering that I could be with him and his wife and the 2 kids as one big relatively happy family. So far there has been a lot of talks and support for me to go back to school to do my masters which will give me enough time to reflect on what I want to do after the studies and how I shall prepare mentally and socially to introduce him to my family. I have met quite a few people in his family starting with his dad and cousins and uncles and a few of siblings. The kind of family he comes from does not seem to mind me being around. I even somehow get the feeling that they prefer to have me around than they do the Mrs.

You would ask what the story of his wife is. I do not know much about her other than what I am told and of course there is no way I can rely on a one-sided story but so far I know they got married 3 months after meeting when she discovered she was expecting their first child. Since he is not one to abandon his child he took her in as his wife. Well since it was a purely physical relationship the puppy love novelty fast ran out and he has cheated on her several times but they still remain together and were even blessed with another bundle of joy. He has 2 kids. He states that he is not fulfilled as he would want to be and was for a long time burdened with an emptiness and that is what he was attempting to fill when he sought me out. He says his wife is not very supportive of new projects that he wants to do and is also entirely dependent on him despite having her own vibrant business meant to bring in income to sustain daily subsistence. According to him she will call him at any moment to ask for petty cash to run the household and for small things like bread for breakfast and such other things that you would expect the lady to be caking care of. i would not want to negate his story full and neither do I support his justification of cheating but I am sort of stuck in a dilemma. I really like him he is the right guy in all the right ways for  me but there is this really big blotch that is both scary and exciting in an adventurous kind of way. How can doing something so bad to “madam co-wife” feel so good?

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